Shifting from Control to Influence!

I have been interacting with the community of first-generation immigrants to Australia. The community consists of people from different developing and not that developed nations. It has been an enriching experience to connect meaningfully with this community. On discussing about kids parenting and students’ behaviour challenges, a common theme that is coming up is that my kids are no more listening to me. Especially, when the kids turn teenagers, this becomes more serious an observation. I have been doing extensive studies on this topic and here are my key observations.

  • Recognise the behaviours
    As a parent, we need to always be mindful of our behaviour. The kids look up to parents as their role models; while the kids may not express it always or even it certain cases they do not know how to express. The common behaviours of comparing own kid with another kid, making judgement, and passing that judgement to the kid, not being able to create opportunities to collaborate and have time together with the kid, etc needs immediate attention. Instead of comparing, we need to create an environment to inspire and learn from each other. This is not easy however, possible. To inspire with Influence is much more effective than mere controlling as the latter approach is only one way (parent to child).
  • Positive validation
    As a parent, one must use positive validation to encourage the kids. There is always a positive way of putting things to your kid. If your kid is late to school, the normal tendency is to say, “You are always late to school!” one can instead communicate as “Let us work together to be on time to school from tomorrow.” Another example “Why did you not finish your lunch? This is the third time this week. What is happening to you?” we can instead use positive communication pattern “How can we plan together so that we get the right lunch which you would enjoy? Every situation can be looked into the lens of new opportunities to collaborate and work with your child. At times, it may seem frustrating; remember your childhood days (teenage days) or ask your parents on how you behaved when you were young or a teenager.
  • Planting good seeds
    Just because he or she is my kid, does not mean, he or she should pursue my dreams or my family dreams. As a parent, if I am a doctor by profession, does not warranty that my child should be a doctor. Or as a parent, I aspired to be a doctor in my young days but could not make it and hence want my child to live that life; this is again absurd. Instead recognise your kid’s strength and sow the right seeds into his/her mind. And do not forget to water the seeds by nourishing with encouragements, empowerment, and enablement.

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